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How to Catch Old Ironjaw, the Total Asshole

Alright, so I'm a sick individual. The coolest thing in World of Warcraft to me is the achievement Accomplished Angler. How badass does Salty McQoqenspiel sound!? I'm not yet halfway through this achievement, although last night I took a few key steps. I got my lure quest for Deadliest Catch, completed the Scavenger, and finally caught Old Ironjaw!

For those of you interested in this little bastard here are a few pointers:
  1. First, make sure you don't have anything to do for like 10 fucking hours, or make sure you're fine logging in and out while standing on molten lava in a goddamned enemy city for a few days.
  2. Fly to Kargath, the closest Horde point. If you're alliance, then eat shit.
  3. Run north through the alliance zones Fairy Pixie Land and Elven Sweetcheeks Valley until you get to the ramp at the bottom of the entrance to Ironforge.
  4. At this point, I hope you're high-level. You really should be, because you can't get Salty until you can A) Fly and B) frollick around Northrend fishing places. The guards in Ironforge will bend you over and fuck you sideways, so expect to die several times getting to the magic fishing spot. Let's call it the G-spot.
  5. Basically at this point you jet up the ramp as fast as you can and run as far as you can until you die from guards jacking you or alliance screwing with you. Your basic path should be to first get to the top of the ramp. Then, hang a left and get inside, running straight into the city. It will open up a bit and you'll go across some lava. Right ahead you'll see a doorway on your left, head for that. Run through the tunnel and it should deposit you right in front of the main forge area. You'll see two giant wheels, left and right. What you need to do is make it as close to the right wheel as possible before dying, and preferably die in the lava pool attached to the right wheel. Just jump right in that shit and die!
  6. Come back as a ghost but don't res quite yet. This is the trick. Swim towards the wheel until you're up against the wall. You should be able to jump out of the lava as normal. There is an invisible shelf where the hub of the wheel is. The best way to jump up and land on this shelf is to keep jmping against the wall, edging closer to the center of the wheel each time. Eventually you'll jump up out of the lava, edge closer, and land on the G-spot. STAY STILL! turn to face the lava, res, and start fishing. You'll have to zoom the camera all the way back and put it directly above your dude. It's a pain in the ass but allies usually don't screw with you here. If they do, they usually die which is funny to watch because they don't know how to get on the ledge.
  7. Fish for 100 fucking hours, this jerk is as rare as a cool republican. Seriously, it took me 500 casts. The good news is that I leveled fishing past 300 doing it. You can also level an entire guild of alts' cooking with the shitty fish you catch.
Catch the bitch and port the hell out!
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Stratholme and Dire Maul

Back again from Sunday when we decided the best thing to do was to finally complete the Classic Dungeonmaster!

First stop: Stratholme
Admittedly we were way overpowered for both of these instances on Sunday. It's been a issue we've had the whole time really. There is so much content and leveling is so fast now that you simply can't do it all at an appropriate level. I have a feeling BC is going to be a blur. Killbasa is almost 67 and we've only done one Burning Crusade instance! Anyways, we breezed through Strat, what a great job by Blizz on this place. It brought back a lot of cool memories and Oni and Trallyne got to see it for the first time which is cool. Can't wait to see the new Caverns of Time version in Wrath of the Lich King! Nothing to stumble on here, we murdered everything in short order and I was able to ninja most of the Holy Water boxes. Syeris and Killbasa were bitching back and forth at each other about how unfair Death Knights are too so it was entertaining for all!

And then: Dire Maul
DIre Maul is pretty fantastic. I've leveled 2 other toons to 70 and I've been playing since beta but for some reason I never got here much. It was cool to see all the wings again. It was getting late and we just wanted the achievement so we burned through and avoided what we could. Trallyne decided to make things interesting and pulled like 450 trees and flowers and bag ladies and whatever the hell else is in that place and we did wipe once. It's ok, he's been flogged. Other than that we pwnd face and everyone but Syeris and Killbasa got their achievement! Syeris, have fun in the Stockade. Killbasa, have fun soloing half of WoW :P
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5-Man Upper Blackrock Spire


On Wednesday the squadron put their nuts in the soup big time and attempted a 5-man UBRS run. Our lowest level is 57 and our highest was 62, which means we have nuts of steel because the shit is designed for 10 people of level 60.

It actually ran pretty smoothly, mostly because we are a well-oiled killing machine at this point. We blew right through the first mobs, got to the fire dude and kicked his ass too. So at this point my dumb ass was convinced we could do the Leroy Jenkins achievement. We grouped up and came up with a plan. Syeris was going to run through a bajillion eggs and bubble as soon as he needed to. At the same time, I was supposed to run through a bajillion eggs and then we were going to meet up in the middle, guaranteeing we would have at least 50 whelps and then AOE the everliving shit out of them. We executed the plan flawlessly! Unfortunately, this meant we had 900 FUCKING BILLION whelps. They killed us after we had 17 down. Gonna try that one again at 70!

So we breezed through the rest, teabagged Rend, kicked the crap out of the Beast (no skin) and then wiped on the damn pull right outside the beast's lair. In our defense it's always been the hardest pull in the place in my opinion. Also in our defense, I forgot the big dragons are immune to cc. So, we planned it pretty well but when all of our cc failed they kicked our ass.

Finally, we got to General Drakkisath! I have to say our strategy for this was top-notch balls-to-the-wall sweetness. The second time anyways. The first time, I got a huge ego and decided I could just tank all three until we killed them all one-by-one. That's fantastic unless your tank gets confused and all three go and fuck the rest of your party sideways. So the second time around I tanked the two adds and Killbasa tanked the general until we had the guards down. Syeris and Onizuka id a bomb-ass job of running around healing people who needed it and we kicked his ass! Loot was alright but with BC pretty much useless. We did get the achievement and we'll be back for Jenkins later...
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Sausage in the Toaster

Meet the Kielbasa Squadron, our World of Warcraft Guild on US Terenas. 3 of us had happily quit Warcraft and moved on with our lives, and then Farina decided to fuck us all over again by scheduling 2 nights a week. Damn him! He also conned 2 of his friends from work. Here's the breakdown:

Farina: Syeris (Paladin) - Gayer than John Tesh and half the man...Syeris is a constant target of kielbasa humor and New Kids on the Block jokes.

Robby: Trallyne (Mage) - I was fucking jacked when I found out we would have a mage, they can port me places when I'm too lazy to walk there. His specialties include having a virtual vagina and irl penis, turning shit into sheep, and competing for DPS with:

Sean: Onizuka (Shadow Priest) - We just found out last night he can turn into a goddamned cloud of shadows which is pretty sweet. He also dots the crap out of stuff and heals my furry ass in a pinch. Sean and Robby are definitely rocking the Basa!

Chris: Killbasa (Death Knight) - Chris was a member of our original squad and is pretty hardcore. Lately we've been making fun of him for switching from a Hunter to a DK, who are completely unfair and were designed for autistic 9 year-olds.

Jeremy (Moi): Mcqoqenspiel (Feral Druid) - I am loving my feral druid tank, just as much as I loved my other feral tank. It's looking like Blizzard has made it a point to make them as good as warriors for tanking so I'm pretty pumped for later levels and tanking the harder content.

Look for more posts about the squadron as our adventures continue!
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Welcome to The Squadron!

In honor of the sweet, sweet Great Kielbasa the Kielbasa Squadron now has this delioucious new blog. Please feel free to pleasure yourself to the short stories and reviews of the Squadron.

Also be sure to read every single day...even if the content hasn't changed! READ IT AGAIN! Don't make me slap you with some sausage!